My Conscious Relationship with Work and Business
All of the following has been a huge work in progress over many years.
I didn’t just suddenly arrive at this way of relating to my work.
It evolved, our relationship grew.
Here is how I currently relate to my work:
I want it to be a source of joy, not a space of must or should.
I am not it. It is not me. My identity and self-worth are not tied up in it - not in the money, not in the follower numbers.
I do it because it’s fun. Making an income is an organic side effect.
It’s a choice every day.
I would write and make videos and do breathwork even if no one was watching.
I do it for me and the people I want to help and serve. Not to find extra happiness.
It is a part of my life and existence, because I am here to create, but it is not the only source of meaning in my life.
I am not chasing a goal or big vision. I am enjoying the process and letting it evolve organically beyond my imagination, beyond the known.
I like to spend about 4-5 hours a day with it.
I won’t let it stress me out anymore. When it does, I step away and take time off.
I’m ok that we work in phases and seasons. There are months where we spend more time together and months where we spend more time apart.
We keep working on our relationship. It is an on-going process that I reflect on and make changes as I go along.
Our relationship with our work needs to be healthy, because otherwise we burn out or we neglect other parts and relationships in our lives.
The way we relate to something is the way we relate to everything.
Advice for Perfectionists (My Struggles + Solutions)
We don’t just overcome perfectionism one day -
or as Stephen Pressfield calls it in his book The War of Art:
The Resistance with capital R.
We aren't just magically free of it one day.
It’s a lifelong dance, a back and forth of who is leading the dance.
Becoming a confident and prolific creator is like trying to get fit. We have to constantly train the muscle that helps us move past perfectionism, procrastination, and the Resistance.
We don’t just fight the dragon once. It will show up for as long as we create.
In my case, ten years later, I tend to struggle more with perfectionism now than I did in the beginning.
I recently finished creating a course for creators, which is all about overcoming creative insecurities, procrastination, and perfectionism. It’s called CREATE AS YOU ARE. Because I want creators to confidently express who they are and what sets their souls on fire.
Of course, I was dealing with all the things I teach in the course even more so as I was creating the course - AND it made the course so much better!
Of course, perfectionism shows up as a regular visitor. That’s just life as a creator.
But - I have found a trillion ways to move through Perfectionism and the Resistance.
I have had to put in so many reps that my muscles are strong and my tool belt is huge.
I don’t let Resistance hold me back from creating and putting myself out there. Those days are long gone.
I have pressed publish on so many imperfect things in my life as a creator.
Imperfection everywhere.
And so here I am - still dancing with perfectionism.
Remember what Elizabeth Gilbert says:
“Create whatever you want to create — and let it be stupendously imperfect, because it’s exceedingly likely that nobody will even notice. And that’s awesome.”
And even if they do notice, they will forget. we only really remember a fraction of what we consume online.
I just pressed publish on an imperfect video on this topic. Check it out here:
Perfection is an illusion and so we might as well just drop the pursuit of it.
How is perfectionism holding you back from sharing your gifts with the world?
—
PS: You can join the course at createasyouare.com
How to Breathe Properly: The Basics of Functional Breathing
Here is the truth:
There is no one way to breathe - there are thousands.
The “right” way to breathe depends on the situation and on what you are doing:
When you’re running for a bus your breathing is going to be different than when you are sitting stationary.
When you are having sex or masturbating, your breathing is going to be different than when you are standing and cutting vegetables.
💨 That’s the beauty of our breath - it responds to the demands that are thrown at us.
❔The more important question to begin with is:
What’s Your Natural Resting Breath Like?
Let’s check:
Take a moment to just notice your breath right now - it helps to put one hand on your chest and one on your belly:
Are you breathing through your mouth or nose?
Are you breathing more into your chest or more into your ribcage and belly?
How fast or slow are you breathing?
How loud and noticeable is your breathing?
Do you sigh often?
Do you notice a natural pause after your exhalation? Do you hold your breath at times?
Does it feel easier to inhale or exhale?
🔅The 3 Golden Guidelines for Correct Breathing
1. Use your nose
Always breathe through the nose unless your are doing heavy exercise - to prevent over-breathing, which leads to loss of co2 and less oxygenation of the blood
2. Breathe into your belly
It stimulates your vagus nerve and sends calming message to your brain and nervous system.
3. Slow down your breathing
According to research, the “ideal” breathing rate is 5.5 breaths per minute, which is much lower than most people’s breathing rate (12-20 breaths per minute) - so keep practicing your coherence breathing and extending your exhales --> this trains your CO2 tolerance
In summary:
In general, the lighter and more silently you breathe, the healthier your breathing and nervous system.
“Correct breathing” means breathing through the nose, with the diaphragm, relaxed, rhythmically.
💡Bonus Tip:
Check in with your breathing regularly during the day.
Pause what you’re doing for a second, become present and see how your breath is doing.
Then adjust accordingly.
Got questions? Wanna improve your breathing?
I offer breath coaching - send me an email at mail@conni.me
🐋
My Complicated Relationship History with Emotions
I used to be totally disconnected from my body. Living mainly in my head, thinking obsessively, being super rational and floating around in the universe ungrounded.
Unconsciously, being in my body didn’t feel safe because I didn’t feel safe feeling my emotions.
I was scared of all the deeply painful emotions that I was forced to face as I was going through one toxic and codependent romantic relationship after another for many years.
I was scared to fully feel the loneliness I was experiencing on and off throughout my life.
After years of being in the queer closet, I was an expert at suppressing my emotions.
But life wouldn’t just let me off the hook, plus my sun is in Cancer. So not feeling my emotions wasn’t an option - which is probably why I had to go thorough some incredibly excruciating emotional pain for life to crack me open.
Some of the sadness was so big that I never allowed myself fully process it. At times, the pain and the suppressing of it would have me get stuck in depressive episodes, sucking me deep into a dark abyss.
Feelings of rejection and loneliness were my constant companion. I felt lost a lot as I was roaming the world as a digital nomad. I felt unworthy, unloveable and at times, lost faith in life and myself.
All in all, a lot of overwhelming emotions from past experiences and trauma were buffered in my body.
I had tried all the spiritual practices and healing modalities and therapy and coaching (here is a full list). They helped somewhat but not to the extend that I needed them to.
Working with a somatic psychotherapist and exploring other somatic practices was a huge game changer in learning to feel emotions in my body and allow myself to be with them. In the end, emotions are home in our bodies.
Then the breath and Breathwork entered my life and showed me how safe it can be to drop into my body and process big emotional experiences. In the process, I learned about the nervous system and how to self-regulate my emotions via the breath.
Today, my emotions and I are good buddies. Our relationship has evolved into an accepting and grounding connection. I’m not scared of them anymore - they have full permission to be here. They are an important source of information from my body and psyche and an invitation to explore myself and what is alive in me deeper.
One of my biggest learnings along the way:
Emotions want to be felt, not fixed.
In one of my next posts I will share how I deal with and process emotions like anger and frustration, sadness, shame or fear.