The Most Important Day of My Life
It wasn’t just one day per se - it was when I got together with my first girlfriend in February 2010 and I was finally able to give myself permission to have my coming out as a queer woman at age 26.
Looking back, I knew I was attracted to women since I was probably 13, but deep shame and embarrassment kept me from acknowledging it.
I had a lot of relationships with men and forced myself to be sexually intimate with them, but it made me (and them) very unhappy.
At the same time, I was secretly in love with many girls/women and heartbroken for years.
On a trip to India in 2009, I met a woman who was queer. I had a big crush on her, but she had a girlfriend. I opened up my feelings to her after we parted (the first time for me to a woman) and she essentially coached me through this “initial” coming out via email.
We stayed in touch and more than six months later, I went to visit her in Australia without any expectations but with the intention to find out more about my feelings. It turned out that her girlfriend and her had broken up a while before that.
Two weeks into my visit - I had already give up on any possibility of us hooking up - we got together out of the blue and eventually became a couple.
After that first night with her, everything around my sexual identity became crystal clear and it was such a huge relief. It finally felt like pure freedom, like liberation after years and years of imprisoning myself.
My coming out resulted in my flood gates opening up in all other areas of my life as well in terms of self-expression, self-acceptance, self-compassion and self-love.
Everything started to shift and align and all shadows started coming to the surface after I was able to express my sexual identity as my truth.
We stayed together for 2.5 years and even though the breakup in 2012 was the most difficult and painful experience to date, I am immensely grateful for her, everything she opened me up to, and all the learnings since we parted.
Our separation was my initiation into consciousness - it cracked me open and I have been on a deep healing and integration journey since.
