The phases of big projects are so predicable, and yet they always seem surprising at first:

First, the idea arrives as a seed. It latches on somewhere in my brain where ideas about the idea attach to it. It marinates and brews. The seed grows until I get the calling, this clear intuitive feeling that I actually have to pursue the idea and do something with it.

So I sit down and visualize the idea on paper. I plan it out. I brainstorm and get all my thoughts down. It turns into a project.

In the process I slowly fall in love with the idea even more.

It starts to feel like a Hell Yeah.

I begin to work on it. And as I do, the little idea turns into something bigger than I had planned.

I roll with it.

It gets bigger as more ideas abound and the projects grows.

Then I hit a dip. Some doubts arise about the setup, the structure, the organization of my ideas.

I shuffle things around. And again.

I intimidate myself by the scope of the project and start to procrastinate.

What I do to get out of this dilemma and create accountability:

• I create a 'realistic' project timeline and set a public deadline or launch date

• I share my progress on the project on social media

• I create an opt-in page or pre-order page to make the project more real and build an interest list

Now that people know about it, I commit to working on the project daily.

I eventually hit another wall as I am approaching the finish line. I doubt the whole thing and want to shut it all down (which might also be triggered by my pre-menstrual phase).

Synchronicities happen or the universe sends me messages that make it clear: you have got to keep going and finish this thing. I follow its orders.

I dabble along and make noticeable, but little progress to keep stretching out the time until I actually don't have anything on my to-do list anymore for the project and I am forced to release it to the public.

Just before I do, my mind is scared that no one will buy it and even if people do, they won't like it.

I ignore the voices and launch the thing.

Hello, world. Here is my medicine for you.

Working on something for a while and then putting it out there is a scary undertaking and a very vulnerable act. There were times when I wanted to just let it all be and not finish a 95% finished course project. Crazy if you think about it rationally - but totally acceptable in the world of a terrified mind.

I have created and released a lot of products and projects in the last ten years. And yet - the process with all its ups and downs usually always follows the same journey and the fears are usually always the same usual suspects. No surprises there.

I keep going anyway, because I trust that my fears are only my compass and pointing in the direction of my calling.

(This is atomic essay #15, which is part of 30 Days of Writing #Ship30for30)